Every ten blocks is another motherfucking neighborhood. Jacksonville is the biggest motherfucking city out there. Shit you only gonna have in Jacksonville. If you type in “Moncrief”.your phone say, “Relocating.” What? Just beautiful shit. If you even type it in your phone… your phone will not let you make it there. It ain’t just ‘hoods, they got certain streets. Eureka means “Surprise! Maybe you shouldn’t be here.” If you looking for gardens. “Stay tuned for another edition of Cleveland Arms.” It’s got “arms” in the title. If I know any of the ‘hoods in America, I know. “Tonight, on another episode of Washington Heights.” Something going down on Washington Heights, I’m sure of that. All the ‘hoods sound like… dangerous sitcoms. They got spots all around the map you should look out for. They tell you don’t go here Not in Jacksonville. See how the audience laughed at that? Most motherfucking cities got one hood The whole map is free. “Confederate Park? What? What the fuck am I doing by Confederate Park?” Most cities got one ‘hood. You’ll see some shit that’ll scare you as a nigga. You need a tour guide in Jacksonville from Jacksonville to tell you where you can and cannot go You don’t just wanna be driving around, looking around. Where the fuck is we at? In Jacksonville, you’ll see shit you don’t see nowhere else Generally, you’d just go somewhere and look on the map and pick places out. You mmmm Nigga, that was the real military. I’m just saying if you was… to be standing out there with a blunt and see two military helicopters, that’s the first time you swallow your whole blunt, lit and all. Yeaaaah In the right parts of Jacksonville, you could feel safe But they need to tell people that ain’t from here that there might be military helicopters flying past your balcony, or it will fuck up your whole blunt experience. Where the military at? Make some noise for the military. You gotta be specific when you talk to your Uber driver You can’t say nothing like, “I’m by the bride!” It's 1,700 bridges in this bitch “You mean the black bridge? the yellow bridge? the blue bridge that’s part Transformer that go up and down?” They don’t tell you that till you’re high on the balcony “I think I saw the bridge move.”īeautiful shit. You come to Jacksonville, you ain’t ready for it I don’t care where you from, you not ready for this If you love water, you could overdose in this motherfucker Jacksonville got water, water, water, and water They got a creek, lakes, rivers The river go the wrong way, it. Jacksonville Jaguars know two things for a fact: They know they weather is better than yours and they know they uniforms look better than yours Them niggas be modeling on the sidelines. The Jacksonville Jaguars is doing they shit! That’s right. Even your shit that ain’t the top is still the top. They’d have had to beat the shit out of me today.” Love Jacksonville. You'd be like, “Gahdamn, I wouldn’t have been able to run away today. It don’t follow no sun rules You come to Jacksonville, you used to heat You look at the heat, you’re not even scared You be like, “What, 89? Ain’t nobody give a fuck about no 89.” You mean Jacksonville 89. If you don’t travel, you don’t know, this Jacksonville sun.
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